What will this year be like?

27 Sep

When I was younger I used to dread going to shul on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. It wasn’t about waking up, getting all dressed up and going there in the morning. It was more about the length of the services. It was just too darn long and way too many songs that had to be sung. I never fully appreciated this Chag and why they are so beautiful.
But I did however, go to shul every shabbat and even sometimes for Friday night services. Shul was a place to see and be seen at. I loved getting all dressed up and sashaying my way to shul and back from Shul. I would sit with my friends and we would spend most of our time praying but there was always an ongoing conversation spoken through a quite whisper throughout the duration of shabbat services.
Back then the purpose for my attendance at shul was never the real reason we are suppose to attend shul in the first place. Back then I just couldn’t connect to Hashem through prayers. I would see the words, understand the meanings but just could not see the beauty and power of Hashem in the prayers.
Over the past few years that has all changed. I might not make it to shul on Shabbat very often but when I go it is all about the prayers and the connection I make with G-d.
The past 4 years on the Yomim Noraim (Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur) have been amazing for me. I no longer dread going to shul but look forward to it. It started the year in which I decided that I was really making aliyah. “This was it” I thought, “I am coming back to live here THIS YEAR”. I had already been back in the States for a year after swearing to myself that I would return in just a short few months. I had not been aware of my connection to Hashem in such a long time but on that Rosh Hashana in 2003 it all changed. I begged that He help me get to where I needed to be. Where I knew I would “feel” Him. I realized that I could not and did not want to achieve this on my own – and that I wanted His help. This was the first time in a very long time I had asked Hashem for his help. I poured my soul out to him that year and I can honestly tell you that Hashem heard my prayers that Rosh Hashana.
I now crave the connection I feel to Hashem through these special holiday prayers. The words shake me to my very core. I stand there and pray to the Creator of the Universe. The humbleness, awe and fear I have when talking to him is balanced by the fact that He is a parent. A loving parent who sees me for not only what I truly am but what I can be and knows every misstep of my human choices that I have made. He has been there through the bad and the good and like every loving parent He wants what is best for me. I can see him yelling down at me when I make a really bad choice but I can also see Him clapping with glee when I have finally accomplished a personally difficult goal. But I love knowing that He is there on my journey through life and each year I get to formally remember who created me…who I have to be thankful of…and who really and truly loves me.

My blessing to all of my Jewish readers is this:

On Yom Kippur may Hashem write you in the Book of Life. May He answer every single asked and even the unknown bakashot (requests) from Him. May each of you see His compassion, power, love and beauty in your everyday lives. May we be zocheh (worthy) of seeing the Third Temple being re-built in our generation.

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2 Responses to “What will this year be like?”

  1. Avram September 27, 2006 at 6:18 pm #

    a wonderful entry … gmar chatima tova …

  2. BagelUndertheCouch October 1, 2006 at 1:31 am #

    ::applause:: i actually got chills.have an easy fast!

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