Just Stop Talking Already

5 Nov

Recently I have been putting my foot in my mouth quite a lot. Now for those of you who know me… I don’t shy away from sharing my opinion with anyone who will listen. But what most people don’t know or realize is that most of the time when I interject my feelings/opinions it is not to make others look bad. It is not because “I know better”. and it is especially not because I am judging other’s behaviors. Granted I do “place people in a box” but that is for me to help understand where they are coming from. If that person fits into box A then it is because they believe in x,y and z. Yes sometimes those “boxes” have a negative connotation in my mind. The bottom line is that I do not box people in just to be able to differentiate between you and me.

The real reason I share my thoughts and opinions? I feel that I can share some light onto the subject that others have not really thought of or paid much attention to whether by conscious or unconscious thought process. If this sounds a bit egotistical, it is not meant to. I just feel that each of us have our own thought process and do not always see other factors and considerations that an outside perspective can share and IF I can shed some light on a specific topic to help my friends make a better decision for themselves (the decision that is right for them) then I want to.

But here is the issue – I am not always asked for my opinion. And I am aware of this. This is the part where I have the hardest time. Since I have been in my own little world focusing on how my life is changing, being aware of both my conscious and self inflicted unconscious choices… I don’t necessarily remember that not everyone wants to be aware of the effect their choices can have on their lives. And furthermore, just because I choose to either be proactive or inactive in my actions doesn’t mean others feel the same way. If I haven’t been asked my opinion than what right do I have to share it?

As a friend I am suppose to be here to listen and to give my advice and shoulder to lean on when asked of me but not before that. People need to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. I cannot prevent mistakes from occurring just by offering up my advice and opinions.

Currently I am not being a good friend. I need to learn how to just stop talking… & not interject with my own opinions.

And this is my promise to my close friends …. I am going to try to no longer give out my opinion when it is not asked. I mean both in the all girly time as well as when we all just hang out. Bottom line is that I do not have the right to impose my thought process on to you w/o it being asked of me.


2 Responses to “Just Stop Talking Already”

  1. Anonymous November 12, 2006 at 12:13 am #

    Maybe I can share an advice:if you want to make a change in a specific character of yourself, take the opposite direction for some period of time.For example, if you feel too lavish, be a miser for several weeks, and then try to find the level which is best for you.But it’s important to take the extreme opposite side, since it’s hard to find the ‘middle way’ without it.This is not my advice ofcourse, but the Rambam’s, in his ‘torat hamidot’.Good luck,a close friend.

  2. generation x November 16, 2006 at 3:41 am #

    most of the time, when people share their thoughts, they are really just thinking out loud. They are not asking for, nor are they interested in your opinion, they just feel that you are a “safe place” to verbalize their thoughts. – and that in itself is a complement.

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