Where is home?

17 Apr

My trip to the United States was quite eventful and I figured since I had such trouble leaving Israel to get to the US that my journey back to Israel should be a smooth ride.

How wrong I was.

My flight to leave NY was scheduled to depart this past Sunday at 7:30 pm and I would arrive back in Israel Monday around 3:30pm (with a stop over in London). Unfortunately the largest storm to hit Long Island was suppose to hit full force on Sat night/Sunday morning. Luckily in the end my flight was just delayed a few hours and I arrived back in Israel late Monday night.

All of Shabbat my mother kept reminding me of this “huge” storm and how chances were flights would be delayed/cancelled and I would not be leaving for a few more days. I was itching to get back on a plane and come home. I actually thought I’d go a little crazy if I had to stay in NY just one more day.

Now I love being with my family – it unfortunately only happens about once a year now that me and my sister and her family live here in Israel while my parents, grandfather and my younger sister still live in the States. I just wish the family could spend time together here in Israel rather than in NY.

NY is where I grew up…. where my childhood and young adult memories were created. I grew, changed and finally figured out what made me happy- and that being here is where I feel complete. My heart and soul are here in Israel and every time I board a plane to leave here I can feel a huge gap in my heart and soul. A part of me stays in Israel when I leave and no matter how long or short my trip abroad is and I yearn the entire time I am away for that feeling of completeness again.

It is really hard for me to feel this gap inside me while in my parent’s house. This is the house I spent most of my childhood, teenage and post college years in. My parents home should feel like a sanctuary, a place where I can feel the warmth, love and support. I should feel like I home in their house even if it is no longer my mailing address. I feel guilty that their home – the house I spent the better part of my life in no longer compeltes me the same way that living in Israel does.

And it never will again – and you know what – I am fine with that. Because over passover vacation I realized how much of a home I have created here in Israel for myself. My comfort zone is now a place that I created and worked hard for.
My parents house was my home pre-adulthood. And now I have created my own home here in Israel as an adult and I just hope that one day I can create another home for a family.

My family and friends both there and here are a wonderfully supportive group of people and even though I live far away from some of them their love is crystal clear to me no matter how far apart we live. I do miss seeing the smiling faces of my loved ones… and to get a hug just when I need it…. or give a hug…. But location does not change how I feel about them and I just hope that they each realize that my discomfort while being outside of Israel has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.

Did I mention here how happy I am to be home again?

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