My heart hurts

16 Jul

My heart has been aching all day over the news that Eldad Regev and Ehud Goldwasser were returned to Israel in coffins. I hoped and wished like the rest of the country that our boys would be returned to us alive and my heart now aches for the loss of these two men and for their loved ones.

And now my thoughts turn to the parents of two more captive soldiers Ron Arad and Gilad Shalit and my heart aches for them too.

I never knew this kind of heartache existed before I moved to Israel four years ago. My aliyah anniversary just passed and I have been unable to write about my anniversary of moving from the United States to Israel and gaining citizenship from another country.

I write this post sitting in the same cafe that I celebrated my third aliyah anniversary with my parents last year and all I can feel is heartache.

Before moving to Israel I never ached for my fellow citizens. I never felt true pride for my country until I moved here. I never felt such anger and disappointment at my country until I moved here. I never felt such disgust at the political system until I moved here.

And yet I never felt like I was part of a country until I moved here.

I am thankful for the support network of friends, family and G-d that helped my dream to live here come true. Sometimes I just want to live an easier life. One where I don’t feel heartache when soldiers are return to their country in coffins.

My heart aches and I just want it to stop.

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