Over the last 6 years I have watched a lot of my friends pack up their lives and move away. This is a constant in my life. People move across the world and sometimes, they move back. Or somewhere else. It would make sense that if you moved across the globe once, you are capable of doing it again (and again and again). And so it happens.
But then, sometimes they come back for a visit. And it feels like no time has passed at all.
Last night one of my close friends came back to Israel for the first time after deciding to give London another go. It has been six months since she packed up her belonging and moved back to London. Her older sister was my first flatmate in my first flat in Jerusalem. She and I became fast friends at the beginning of our journey here in Israel and our friendship has lasted 6+ years.
I took it quite hard when she told me she wanted to go back to London and try it again. I understood her need but as I looked in the mirror I got scared that one day I would utter the same words – that I wanted to give NY another go and it upset me greatly. You have to understand, I moved here without a second thought. This is my home, this is where I want to be and this is where I want to raise my family.
But when you see your friends itch to leave a country you call home, you start to wonder – what is it they all see or feel that I don’t and will these feelings creep up on me until I feel suffocated and need to run away?
I am terrified of those feelings. I do not consider NY home anymore (nor America for that matter). But I have moved countries and I could do it again if I felt the need to.
Over the past 6 years a lot has changed. I am a lot more .. disappointed with the State of Israel. My heart hurts when I open up the newspapers (well websites really) and I read our current affairs. I am horrified by our politicians and our country’s policies.
And I am scared – that one day my disappointment in the leaders and society here will make me leave the one place in the world I call home.